Weekly Sexier Sex Lessons

Sexier Sex Lessons offers a weekly suggestion for how you can have more fun with sex. Each post takes only a minute to read, leaving you more time for the fun stuff. And remember: It’s not the tech, it’s how you use it that counts. Enjoy!

Back by Popular Demand: How to Find the Right Condom

Condoms are the specialized athletic sportswear of the new millennium. There are more styles of condom than balloons in a circus. The range addresses a variety of user needs: size, sensitivity, lubrication, durability, taste, aesthetics, and allergies.

It’s easier to use (or go back to using, sigh) condoms when we find the brands and styles that are the most comfortable and the least interruptive for us-and then use them consistently and well. If you try to see condoms as a standard, nonnegotiable part of sex rather than a huge imposition, you’ll be playing safe while having more fun. (And if you think it’s an imposition, imagine the inconvenience of being HIV positive.)

MATERIALS

Condoms come in three main materials: latex, polyurethane, and lambskin. Lambskin only protects against pregnancy, though not sexually transmitted infections. Latex is the most common choice; polyurethane is popular with those who are sensitive or allergic to latex.

SIZES

Because no two penises are alike in size, shape or owner skill, condoms are increasingly made in various sizes and head styles. If you have a regular partner who isn’t a regular fit, try some of the sized condoms. Always go for reality (regular) over ego (jumbo extra large) for comfort and protection.

THICKNESS

Condoms can have thin or thick latex wall. Thinner walls are claimed to make the condom less noticeable, while thicker walls cut down on sensation to help a man last longer. Some “climax control” condoms actually use a small amount of benzocaine to slightly numb the penis.


FLAVOR

Latex will never be the flavor of the month at the local ice cream shop. But flavored condoms do make protected oral sex more fun. You can go for cooling mint, invigorating citrus, or tropical banana-it seems they come up with more flavors every year. Some brands offer a “warming” cinnamon or “tingling” peppermint, while others are more subtle, giving you just a hint of sweetness to alleviate the taste of latex. Condomania offers several sampler packs with a variety of brands and flavors, so don’t be afraid to experiment.

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

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How to Take Your First Step into BDSM

I don’t know if it’s just me, but BDSM seems to be everywhere these days. (Yay!) BDSM stands for Bondage and discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS) Sadism and Masochism (SM), and it sums up a wide spectrum of activity, from gentle bondage through eroticized (and consensual) torture.

It makes sense that BDSM is so popular online. For one thing, many people start with fantasy long before they venture into acting it out, and the interactive enviroment lets you engage with another person and see how you like it without literally being flogged or punished.

Another thing is that BDSM is very theatrical, very visual. It gives erotic designers an opportunity to challenge their skills, building sets and implements and costumes and environments in 3D worlds for themselves and for others.

Learning The Ropes

One friend of mine got his first-aid certification as part of his journey into more extreme BDSM practices. Another took two workshops in rope bondage before trying it on his partner in a private setting. Please invest the time and research into learning to play safely. Not every escort or partner in an online community knows what they’re doing. but when you take it into physical space you can actually place yourself in physical danger if you don’t know what you’re doing. There are places on the body it is dangerous to flog, there are dangerous ways to bind people, and there are chanced for accidents, like starting fires or causing internal injury. Playing it safe (heh) is fun, will enhance your experience, and could save your life.

To do BDSM right, you need to follow some basic safety guidelines; these not only pertain to your physical health, but to your emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being as well.

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How Not to Fall in Love Online

If you’ve ever been in love, you know that there are as many ways to fall in love as there are people. You might also know that love can sneak up on you when you least expect it, and often when you’re actively Not Looking for it.

And still other times, we completely screw ourselfes up. For every true love that blooms online, you’ll find the dead petals of a dozen broken hearts. I believe that we need to go through those experiences to mature and appreciate a real love — yet at the same time, if I can save you some steps, I’ll gladly do so.

Here are some ways not to fall in love online.

  • Don’t have rigid expectations bordering on a checklist for everything you require in a partner.
  • Don’t get involved with multiple partners but demand that each one be exclusive to you.
  • Don’t demand that an online partner to be monogamous with you, e ven though you’re in an offline relationship.
  • Don’t rush the relationship. This is easy to do, given that online relationships tend to start from the inside and progress outward. You tell each other the most intimate secrets you hold long before you get to the part about your favorite color. The level of connection makes it feel more natural to leap to Decisions About The Future way too soon.
  • Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can separate online life from offline life. What happens online doesn’t stay online — even if you never meet with the person offline, your emotions are not confined to the Internet.

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

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How to Evaluate a Chat Room in Ten Minutes or Less

It only takes a few minutes to assess a new chat community to see if its worth sticking around. These tips work whether the community is text-only, webcam, or 3D.

Leave If...

  • Half or more of the posts are URLs or read like spam subject lines
  • People are calling each other names
  • Nobody says anything for several minutes
  • You get a number of private messages but no one is talking in the public room
  • When you say “Hello, how is everyone today?” you get no responses

Stay if...

  • People greet you and welcome you
  • When you start talking, people talk back
  • At least one good conversation is taking place
  • People seem to know each other
  • Other women seem to be having a good time

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Consumer teledildonics update: HighJoy alive, Sinulator dead; plus, Virtual Sex Machine and RealTouch

I have not been able to get a response from Sinulator folks by email or by phone, and have received a few emails in the past few months from other people who have experienced the same thing. Sinulator was a growing thing when I wrote The Sexual Revolution 2.0 but you know how it is with those tech start-ups, particularly SEX tech start-ups.

HighJoy is still around, however. I corresponded with them this week (had to resolve a billing issue, which they took care of promptly and courteously).

highjoy

There’s also the Virtual Sex Machine if you don’t want the bother of finding an online partner first.

vsm

RealTouch appears to be going strong, but then, Sinulator hasn’t taken its website down either, so I’ll drop them an email and see what’s up. Like the Virtual Sex Machine, this one interacts with videos, not with humans on the other end of the internet.

Anyone else who has some teledildonics stuff going, please give us an update and a link in the comments. My focus has been on consumer-friendly stuff that doesn’t require a whole lot of tech-savvy to figure out, but I know there’s a lot more geekdildonics out there than n00bdildonics….

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

How to Turn Your Mp3 Player into a Personal Pleasure Device

Remember the joy of the mix tape, crafted especially for you by that special someone? Here’s a variation on that theme for adults only. These There are vibrators that pulse, rev, and throb to the beat of audio sources, ranging from a music playlist to your lover’s voice right there in bed.
For a group experience, try plugging one into your computer headphone jack and meeting up in a chat room or a virtual world where you can all groove to the same audio stream.
These toys are available at most reputable adult retailers, or you can Google (or Froogle) them to find the best deals.
Remember the joy of the mix tape, crafted especially for you by that special someone? Here’s a variation on that theme for adults only. There are vibrators that pulse, rev, and throb to the beat of audio sources, ranging from a music playlist to your lover’s voice right there in bed.

For a group experience, try plugging one into your computer headphone jack and meeting up in a chat room or a virtual world where you can all groove to the same audio stream.
These toys are available at most reputable adult retailers, or you can Google them to find the best deals.
iBuzz Two
Comes with two small vibrators to put inside a bunny-shaped  sleeve for her and a cock ring for him — —and all the necessary connecting cables, including a headphone splitter so you can both listen to the same music while you wear your toys.
OhMiBod
A slim, insertable vibrator in colors to complement the iPod and iPhone, although any device with a headphone jack will drive it. Comes in a pretty zippered pouch for tucking discreetly into your purse, and has ““penis sleeve”” accessories to create different textures and looks out apart from of the basic cylinder. Visit Club Vibe at http://www.ohmibod.com for a playlist exchange among OhMiBod users and special playlists created by professional DJs, all mixed specifically for their vibratory delights.
Talk2Me
This beautifully sculpted dual-purpose toy splits the incoming audio into two streams; the vibrating shaft responds to the bass, while the tickler responds to the treble. You can hook it up to a headphone jack or set its wireless receiver in front of any source of sound — —your lips, your stereo, your motorcycle — —and get your groove on.

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How To Craft a Personal Ad That Truly Expresses Who You Are

Most people surf through tens if not hundreds of profiles every time they search a dating site. If you sound like everyone else, you are going to be treated like everyone else.


Stop the boredom!
There are tons of articles about writing the perfect profile on sites like Yahoo Personals, Match.com, and Cupid.com, —and each one is slanted toward the profiles of the particular dating service. Online dating expert Evan Mark Katz offers advice and sample profile makeovers in his e-newsletter. Many, many books exist on the subject if you want to get obsessive about it.
However, these ten tips should get you started down the right path:

  • Know your audience, and speak to them. Search for the profiles of your target audience, and match your language to theirs. The subtle mimicking of words and ideas will attract the people who think the way you like.
  • Understand the site you are using. For example, in adult dating networks like AdultFriendFinder.com, you can get explicitly sexual and kinky in your text (although not as much so in your photos) without violating the tTerms of sService. At Match.com, however, you’ll find a more general audience, some of whom are likely to flag you for “offensive material” if you get too raunchy, ensuring that your profile never gets found. (Know thy screeners, as well as thy audience!
  • Show, don’t tell. Use your photos to paint the picture of a dog-loving, REI-shopping, adventurous world traveler. Instead of just putting in the stock head shots, post the picture of you standing on the Great Wall of China with your friends, or rolling in the mud with your Great great Dane. But don’t PhotoShop yourself onto a backdrop. One day, someone will ask you about that trip, and making up a good story can be tricky, especially if you’ve attracted a true world traveler with your pictures.
  • Stop with the clichés! Who cares if you are “fun- loving,” “funny” and “physically fit?” Blah. Everyone says that. Try instead…”: “My trainer has become one of my best friends—not only do we work out together 3x a week, but we visit the Saxon Pub at least once a month to see our favorite local guitarist hit some new riffs.” See… . . . fun and fit in the same sentence.
  • Be funny instead of saying you are funny. Yes, we know that men don’t tend to list “sense of humor” as high on their must-have lists as women do, but if you can elicit a laugh, you might catch the attention of someone who shares your quirky outlook on life. Most people will contact someone a person who  they feel a connection with, or a person who makes them feel happy. This may not apply to the brooding artists of the world, but then again, your dark- side- of- the- moon commentary might just attract the neighbor who secretly listens to you practicing your guitar on the back step at night. You just never know.
  • Yes, sex sells… . . . but again, know your audience. If you really are trying to find a quality connection, leave the sex for later. Otherwise,  you’re likely to be overwhelmed with come-ons from men you have no interest in, and you could miss a good one in the flood.  \When you meet – —ya either got it or ya don’t. Leave it under wraps till until you actually want to act on it. If you are on a site where hookups are the primary focus, then sex away, and revel in the power of free speech.

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips: