Category Archives: Games

How to Take Your First Step into BDSM

I don’t know if it’s just me, but BDSM seems to be everywhere these days. (Yay!) BDSM stands for Bondage and discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS) Sadism and Masochism (SM), and it sums up a wide spectrum of activity, from gentle bondage through eroticized (and consensual) torture.

It makes sense that BDSM is so popular online. For one thing, many people start with fantasy long before they venture into acting it out, and the interactive enviroment lets you engage with another person and see how you like it without literally being flogged or punished.

Another thing is that BDSM is very theatrical, very visual. It gives erotic designers an opportunity to challenge their skills, building sets and implements and costumes and environments in 3D worlds for themselves and for others.

Learning The Ropes

One friend of mine got his first-aid certification as part of his journey into more extreme BDSM practices. Another took two workshops in rope bondage before trying it on his partner in a private setting. Please invest the time and research into learning to play safely. Not every escort or partner in an online community knows what they’re doing. but when you take it into physical space you can actually place yourself in physical danger if you don’t know what you’re doing. There are places on the body it is dangerous to flog, there are dangerous ways to bind people, and there are chanced for accidents, like starting fires or causing internal injury. Playing it safe (heh) is fun, will enhance your experience, and could save your life.

To do BDSM right, you need to follow some basic safety guidelines; these not only pertain to your physical health, but to your emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being as well.

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Consumer teledildonics update: HighJoy alive, Sinulator dead; plus, Virtual Sex Machine and RealTouch

I have not been able to get a response from Sinulator folks by email or by phone, and have received a few emails in the past few months from other people who have experienced the same thing. Sinulator was a growing thing when I wrote The Sexual Revolution 2.0 but you know how it is with those tech start-ups, particularly SEX tech start-ups.

HighJoy is still around, however. I corresponded with them this week (had to resolve a billing issue, which they took care of promptly and courteously).


There’s also the Virtual Sex Machine if you don’t want the bother of finding an online partner first.


RealTouch appears to be going strong, but then, Sinulator hasn’t taken its website down either, so I’ll drop them an email and see what’s up. Like the Virtual Sex Machine, this one interacts with videos, not with humans on the other end of the internet.

Anyone else who has some teledildonics stuff going, please give us an update and a link in the comments. My focus has been on consumer-friendly stuff that doesn’t require a whole lot of tech-savvy to figure out, but I know there’s a lot more geekdildonics out there than n00bdildonics….

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

How to Be an Audio Erotica Star

I first encountered audio erotica in 2003, the first time I covered the annual adult entertainment industry tradeshow for my Sex Drive column. Amidst all the flash and glitz was a beautifully appointed booth that looked more suited to Sephora than to Smitty’s Smut Shack. The banner said SOUNDS EROTIC, and I stepped up with a grin and asked “What’s that?”

Half an hour later, I had an excellent education in aural sex from husband-and-wife team Catherine and Brian Oliver-Smith.

Married with three children and another one the way, the couple had reached a point where they were too tired to transition from working parents by day to passionate lovers by night. They experimented with porn videos, but Catherine found them more tedious than titillating. Reading erotic stories worked better, but it required the reader to look at the words instead of the other person, and you had to stop fondling to turn the page. Yet it was impractical to call upon a third party to read to them while they kissed and caressed each other.

Recording erotic stories to play back in bed solved the problem. Brian and Catherine found that by the end of about seven minutes, their touches and gazes reawakened their bodies even as the story realigned their minds. Realizing that their plight was a common one for other parents, they launched a publishing company to bring this relationship-saver to other couples. They hire professional voice talent and choose stories specifically adapted for listening to, rather than reading.

You don’t have to be a professional to star in your own erotic recordings, although if you plan to publish the results, you need to make sure you have legal rights to the stories and any sound effects you use in your composition.

  • Choose (or write!) a story that turns you on. If you intend to use someone else’s story for purposes outside your personal relationship, make sure you have permission from the author first. Look for good writing that flows well when you read it aloud—it will sound different to your ear than when you read it to yourself.
  • Read through the entire story first, and make note of pronunciations you need to practice (or look up), phrases that tie your tongue, and anything that makes you blush or giggle. You can also mark areas where you want to slow down or speed up, drop your voice to a whisper, or add other dramatic touches. You might think you have no problem reading the descriptions, but you’d be surprised at how the most seasoned professional voices can suddenly be embarrassed or experience stage fright.
  • Take your time. Do not rush it. Think of trying for a slow seduction. As with any public speaking, you will think you are speaking way too slowly, and that’s about when it is perfect.

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How to Be a Voyeur (without Being a Creep)

You won’t need a trench coat and binoculars for this lesson, unless dressing up like a peeping Tom turns you on—in which case, I’m all for it.

One of the best ways to find out whether something turns you on is to watch other people do it and see how you feel. The Internet has given women the same opportunities to “just look” that men have had for centuries. Now that we know what’s out there, we’re taking great strides in improving it.

Visit any adult webcam room, and you quickly realize that the exhibitionists in the group need the voyeurs in order to fulfill their fantasies and get the most out of their experience. Just lurking, without a cam of your own, is enough to feed the performers’ need for an audience. Your presence fuels their fire, and their uninhibited sexuality can turn you on—and might even inspire you to try something new or exotic with your partner.
Try chatting with the webcam performer on things not related directly to sex. Unlike DVD performers, these sex workers are not typically professional talent. They’re more approachable as regular people. Ask about their day, or the clothes they’ve chosen, or their love lives. You’ll be surprised to find that webcam folks are just like the neighbors.
And if it turns out they are the neighbors? Now you know you have something in common.

Online Voyeurism Can:

  • Help you learn new sexual skills
  • Put your own desires into context (you’re not alone!)
  • Turn you on
  • Bring you closer to your partner
  • Validate your fantasies
  • Reduce your anxiety
  • Confirm your disinterest

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

How to Find Out Whether You Are Kinky

One thing we’ve learned from each other in the Information Age is that kinky is as kinky does. What we used to think was only us—in delight or in shame—we now find is not unique at all.

As “kinky” comes to mean any form of sex beyond the most vanilla*, it’s not so much a matter of finding out whether you are kinky as finding out how kinky you are. Kink does not mean you have a fetish or an obsession, only that a particular flavor of sex—involving props, theater, groups of people, public places, etc.—can pretty much be relied upon to get you excited.

You can expand your knowledge of your own kinks online in a few ways:

  • When stumbling across a kink in porn, you realize you’re turned on. Now, go find more porn featuring that quirk and discover whether it affects you consistently.
  • Research a particular kink from your own fantasies—from something you’ve experienced once or twice and liked, or from books or movies that introduced you to that whole new world.
  • Visit a webcam room that caters to a particular kink or fetish, like latex, balloons, leather, or BDSM.
  • Read or listen to erotica that you wouldn’t normally choose and see if it arouses you.
  • Many adult retailers offer classes in the basics and post their workshop calendars online. Because some kink can hurt you if you do it wrong—for example, there are safe and unsafe ways to bind somebody—it’s always better to get information from an expert first.

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

How to Be Bisexual on the Internet

If you’re already bisexual, you can skip this lesson. These tips are for those who are questions, experimenting, or exploring.


Many people who aren’t otherwise bisexual happily flirt and cyber with any gender online. After all, unless you plan to meet your partners in person for sex and you know you’re not interested in physical same- or hetero-sex (and are you sure about that?), why should it matter? The Internet offers a perfect, private place to experiment without much risk.

  • It’s okay to explain that you are only bi online.
  • The “woman” you are cybering with might be a man on the other side of the keyboard. So what? If you’re having fun, have fun. You’ll meet a nice girl some other time.
  • Play with language and let your imagination roam. If you’re never made love with a woman before, you have a whole different topography to deal with now.

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

How to Feel Closer When You’re Apart

Long-distance or traveling lovers have so many ways to stay in touch these days. This is a not an exhaustive list by any means, but it should be enough to get you started.

  • Skype: Skype is free and connects you through voice, text, and webcam.
  • Microblogging: Services like Twitter and Jaiku provide a fun way for couples and their friends to keep in touch. It’s a simple idea: Through the web, IM, or a cell phone, you send a short message to a central address.
  • Sharing The Music: SimplifyMedia lets you and your lover listen to each other’s music libraries over the Internet, even the copyright-protected files, as long as you both log in with the same user name. You can invite up to thirty friends to share libraries, so it works for polyamorous groups as well as couples.
  • Instant Messaging: Once you get into the groove, you might be able to IM alongside any other work or school project you’ve got going. It might seem awkward at first, but for many people (including me), it soon becomes so natural to talk with a lover while working that it becomes harder to work without IM going than with the connection open.
  • Building A Virtual Home: Second Life, Red Light Center, Jewel of Indra—pick an environment that appeals to you and build yourself a nest.

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn