Tag Archives: body image

How to Evaluate a Chat Room in Ten Minutes or Less

It only takes a few minutes to assess a new chat community to see if its worth sticking around. These tips work whether the community is text-only, webcam, or 3D.

Leave If...

  • Half or more of the posts are URLs or read like spam subject lines
  • People are calling each other names
  • Nobody says anything for several minutes
  • You get a number of private messages but no one is talking in the public room
  • When you say “Hello, how is everyone today?” you get no responses

Stay if...

  • People greet you and welcome you
  • When you start talking, people talk back
  • At least one good conversation is taking place
  • People seem to know each other
  • Other women seem to be having a good time

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How to Be a Voyeur (without Being a Creep)

You won’t need a trench coat and binoculars for this lesson, unless dressing up like a peeping Tom turns you on—in which case, I’m all for it.

One of the best ways to find out whether something turns you on is to watch other people do it and see how you feel. The Internet has given women the same opportunities to “just look” that men have had for centuries. Now that we know what’s out there, we’re taking great strides in improving it.

Visit any adult webcam room, and you quickly realize that the exhibitionists in the group need the voyeurs in order to fulfill their fantasies and get the most out of their experience. Just lurking, without a cam of your own, is enough to feed the performers’ need for an audience. Your presence fuels their fire, and their uninhibited sexuality can turn you on—and might even inspire you to try something new or exotic with your partner.
Try chatting with the webcam performer on things not related directly to sex. Unlike DVD performers, these sex workers are not typically professional talent. They’re more approachable as regular people. Ask about their day, or the clothes they’ve chosen, or their love lives. You’ll be surprised to find that webcam folks are just like the neighbors.
And if it turns out they are the neighbors? Now you know you have something in common.

Online Voyeurism Can:

  • Help you learn new sexual skills
  • Put your own desires into context (you’re not alone!)
  • Turn you on
  • Bring you closer to your partner
  • Validate your fantasies
  • Reduce your anxiety
  • Confirm your disinterest

Find the rest of this lesson and thousands more sexier sex tips in:


Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

How to Boost Your Libido

The hamster wheel of modern life diminishes our sex drives every bit as much as illness, chronic pain, or hormonal fluctuations. We don’t always have time to eat right, exercise, and get enough sleep—even though we know all of those things improve our sex lives. Many of us feel like we’re barely holding up under the combination of work, kids, and chores. Add one or more medications, alcohol use, depression, anxiety, body image issues—sometimes it’s a wonder we have sex drives at all.

It’s nice that we have some options for those times when our libidos shoot through the basement and we admit to ourselves we’d rather nap or read than even think about touching ourselves or a partner. However, our minds know that sex is important, even when our bodies seem to have forgotten.

I am not a doctor or a health practitioner, and I’m sensitive to side effects to boot, so please don’t interpret this lesson as medical advice by any stretch of the imagination. I’m also wary of the topical agents that increase blood flow to the genitals, as that seems like a recipe for intimate irritation, and patches annoy my skin; my body is more comfortable with prescription-based helpers like testosterone pills. But the following will give you an idea of what’s out there so you can feel better informed when you talk to your doc about what might work best for your particular body and situation.


Testosterone can be delivered by a daily pill or skin patch. I used the pills and kept them next to my birth control pills so I wouldn’t forget to take them.

Over the Counter

There are several topical gels and creams that encourage blood flow to the genitals. The active ingredient is usually L-arginine or niacin, both of which cause a warming, sensitizing sensation that can be too much for some women. Be careful when trying these, and have a cool washcloth or a wipe handy in case you need to take it off in a hurry. Also, check the labels to make sure the brand you’re trying is condom-safe, if necessary.


The Scentuelle patch is a “nontransdermal” stick-on that releases subtle, sexy scent molecules through nanotechnology. You wear it and take frequent whiffs throughout the day and make your partner a very happy camper throughout the night. (Or vice versa. It’s not confined to the clock.)

Find the rest of this lesson and thousands more sexier sex tips in:

Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

How to Buy Lingerie for Your Body Type

It seems like lingerie is designed for women who are 5’ 6”, wear a 34C bra, size 5 panties, and size 7 shoes—unless you are that woman and still have fit problems, in which case, I guess it’s designed for our avatars rather than our bodies.

Shopping for lingerie online eliminates a lot of the hassles. It might seem counter intuitive, as with fit troubles you want to be able to try it on. But when you shop online, you can quickly narrow your options to just the negligee that is likely to fit. You can try it on in your own bedroom with your own lighting and your own mirror, and if you hate it, send it back. (Yes, this can cost money, but you won’t begrudge it after you find something that makes you feel like a million bucks.)
And most likely, if you put the effort into the search, you won’t hate it.

  • Don’t rely on size chart measurements. Email or call the site with your measurements and notes about your proportions, how other brands and sizes fit you, and what you’re looking for
  • Look international. You pay a bit more in shipping, but it’s worth it if you get the right fit.
  • Stockings, stretchy chemises, and collars fit just about everyone. It doesn’t matter if the stockings won’t stay up if you’re just wearing them on nights in.
  • More coverage can be as sexy as less, especially in sheer fabrics. Lingerie is less about skin as it is about mystery. Especially as we get older
  • Forget the size noted on the label and look only for fit. I have lingerie that ranges from size M to size 2X, and it all fits me exactly the same.
  • If your proportions are impossible to fit off the rack, investigate custom services. There is nothing wrong with your body—only with the narrow range of fits available.
  • Corsets look fantastic on all body shapes and must be made custom to look perfect.

Intimate Shopping


Cups from A to JJ. Bands from 28 to 54. Need I say more?


Leather clothing (and toys, noth ready to wear and couture.


Beverly Hills institution, known for custom garments and costumes.


Lingerie that celebrates fill, voluptuous curves.


Great selection of bras in D cup and up, plus clothing designed to fit and flatter busty figured.

Find the rest of this lesson and thousands more sexier sex tips in:

Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

How to Talk to Your Lover about Porn

Porn is now easier to find than bras that fit. This forces many women to face up to their feelings about their partner’s looking at adult content. Some women feel that their lovers will develop unrealistic expectations about female bodies or athletic ability after watching a lot of porn; others worry that the fantasy that pornography provides will replace the reality of everyday sex.

  • If your lover is a man, porn is probably going to be a part of his sex life. Porn and boys go together like girls and toys. Don’t let it scare you. Share it with him, at least to a certain extent. (Everyone needs a little private time sometimes too!)
  • You can learn about each other from the kinds of porn that turn you on—especially if you’re shy about revealing what you like, or if you feel tempted to share video that you think you should like but that doesn’t actually do much for you.
  • Keep your mind open. It’s not nice to yuk someone’s yum. Sex is a very personal thing—and you might be surprised at what turns you or your lover on. Remember that watching it isn’t the same as doing it. Even if you lover is into porn themes that turn your stomach, you aren’t necessarily expected to act it out, nor are you under any obligation to do so.

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How to Take Sexy Self-Portraits

Cameras are everywhere. Sooner or later, you’re going to be caught in a compromising position. Picking your nose as you run a red light. Adjusting your stockings as Google’s street-view team cruises by. Handing your phone around the table in a mutual-gadget-admiration moment with a dozen coworkers, only to realize you haven’t deleted Those Pictures from the album. (That one actually happened to me. Sigh.)

A cell phone camera is all you need to get started, although a small digital camera gives you higher quality images. These first shots aren’t for sharing, but rather for learning what the digital eye does to you, and for you, from various distances and angles.

  • Look to classic pin-up poses for inspiration. These flatter every body and have an element of tease and sauce that never goes out of style.
  • If you discover a touch of exhibitionism through your experiments, invest in a mobile device with a high-resolution camera and a self-timer.
  • Hold the camera above your face and slightly to the side to emphasize your eyes and cheekbones.
  • Learn to smile without clenching your facial muscles. It feels horribly fake at first, but works well in pictures. Better yet, cultivate a knowing, subtle quirk of the lip that implies you are just seconds from ripping your clothes off and jumping on your lover.
  • Flushed cheeks, wide eyes and parted lips are signs of sexual arousal in both sexes. You can fake it by pinching your skin, biting your lips and opening your eyes slightly wider than usual. Too wide and you’ll just look surprised or alien, so practice in a mirror until you get the right feel of it.

Find the rest of this lesson and thousands more sexier sex tips in:

Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

How to Reveal Yourself (and How to Know When It’s Time)

Many people reach a point in an online relationship when they realize they want to reveal themselves utterly to another person.

It’s hard to say when the “right time” is. As with most relationships, you’ll need to make your decisions based on what works for the two of you and what you feel is right.

Here are some general tips for when to exchange full names:

  • You start talking about meeting in person and are already researching airfares and hotels.
  • You are talking frankly about your job, your life, your kids, your friends, and your hobbies, and only then realize that you’ve been perfectly comfortable doing so all along.
  • You realize you feel closer to this person than almost anyone else in your life, and you would like to hear them whisper your name rather than your handle.

Once you exchange names, search for each other like crazy, digging up old high school photos or blog posts or book reviews you posted to Amazon ten years ago. This is where you reveal yourself as a person with a past—and perhaps as a person with some ’splainin’ to do. (It’s a good idea to Google yourself beforehand so you know what your lover is going to see.)

  • Find the rest of this lesson and thousands more sexier sex tips in:

Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn