Tag Archives: confidence

Back by Popular Demand: How to Find the Right Condom

Condoms are the specialized athletic sportswear of the new millennium. There are more styles of condom than balloons in a circus. The range addresses a variety of user needs: size, sensitivity, lubrication, durability, taste, aesthetics, and allergies.

It’s easier to use (or go back to using, sigh) condoms when we find the brands and styles that are the most comfortable and the least interruptive for us-and then use them consistently and well. If you try to see condoms as a standard, nonnegotiable part of sex rather than a huge imposition, you’ll be playing safe while having more fun. (And if you think it’s an imposition, imagine the inconvenience of being HIV positive.)

MATERIALS

Condoms come in three main materials: latex, polyurethane, and lambskin. Lambskin only protects against pregnancy, though not sexually transmitted infections. Latex is the most common choice; polyurethane is popular with those who are sensitive or allergic to latex.

SIZES

Because no two penises are alike in size, shape or owner skill, condoms are increasingly made in various sizes and head styles. If you have a regular partner who isn’t a regular fit, try some of the sized condoms. Always go for reality (regular) over ego (jumbo extra large) for comfort and protection.

THICKNESS

Condoms can have thin or thick latex wall. Thinner walls are claimed to make the condom less noticeable, while thicker walls cut down on sensation to help a man last longer. Some “climax control” condoms actually use a small amount of benzocaine to slightly numb the penis.


FLAVOR

Latex will never be the flavor of the month at the local ice cream shop. But flavored condoms do make protected oral sex more fun. You can go for cooling mint, invigorating citrus, or tropical banana-it seems they come up with more flavors every year. Some brands offer a “warming” cinnamon or “tingling” peppermint, while others are more subtle, giving you just a hint of sweetness to alleviate the taste of latex. Condomania offers several sampler packs with a variety of brands and flavors, so don’t be afraid to experiment.

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

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How to Delete Your Ex

When modern relationships end they leave behind more artifacts then a Pharaoh’s tomb. Email, instant messages, text messages, voice mails, digital pictures and video – and that’s just the personal stuff. What about blog post? Social networks? That tandem skydiving video you posted on YouTube?

You can’t do much about artifacts that have already gone public, but you can reduce your chance of stumbling upon a memento unprepared:

  • Block every handle your ex gave you and remove them from your buddy list.
  • Set your IM client to accept messages from only people already on your buddy list.
  • Remove your ex from your contact list so you don’t make yourself crazy monitoring his or her online habits.
  • Destroy all emails from and to. Don’t forget to search for your exes address in the “cc” and “bcc” fields as well as the “to” field.
  • Check My Pictures, My Documents and your attachments folder for images to send to the trash.
  • Delete your ex’s email from your address book, including from list of multiple recipients. Don’t forget to check your mobile devices too.

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How to Be an Audio Erotica Star

I first encountered audio erotica in 2003, the first time I covered the annual adult entertainment industry tradeshow for my Sex Drive column. Amidst all the flash and glitz was a beautifully appointed booth that looked more suited to Sephora than to Smitty’s Smut Shack. The banner said SOUNDS EROTIC, and I stepped up with a grin and asked “What’s that?”

Half an hour later, I had an excellent education in aural sex from husband-and-wife team Catherine and Brian Oliver-Smith.

Married with three children and another one the way, the couple had reached a point where they were too tired to transition from working parents by day to passionate lovers by night. They experimented with porn videos, but Catherine found them more tedious than titillating. Reading erotic stories worked better, but it required the reader to look at the words instead of the other person, and you had to stop fondling to turn the page. Yet it was impractical to call upon a third party to read to them while they kissed and caressed each other.

Recording erotic stories to play back in bed solved the problem. Brian and Catherine found that by the end of about seven minutes, their touches and gazes reawakened their bodies even as the story realigned their minds. Realizing that their plight was a common one for other parents, they launched a publishing company to bring this relationship-saver to other couples. They hire professional voice talent and choose stories specifically adapted for listening to, rather than reading.

You don’t have to be a professional to star in your own erotic recordings, although if you plan to publish the results, you need to make sure you have legal rights to the stories and any sound effects you use in your composition.

  • Choose (or write!) a story that turns you on. If you intend to use someone else’s story for purposes outside your personal relationship, make sure you have permission from the author first. Look for good writing that flows well when you read it aloud—it will sound different to your ear than when you read it to yourself.
  • Read through the entire story first, and make note of pronunciations you need to practice (or look up), phrases that tie your tongue, and anything that makes you blush or giggle. You can also mark areas where you want to slow down or speed up, drop your voice to a whisper, or add other dramatic touches. You might think you have no problem reading the descriptions, but you’d be surprised at how the most seasoned professional voices can suddenly be embarrassed or experience stage fright.
  • Take your time. Do not rush it. Think of trying for a slow seduction. As with any public speaking, you will think you are speaking way too slowly, and that’s about when it is perfect.

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How to Be a Voyeur (without Being a Creep)

You won’t need a trench coat and binoculars for this lesson, unless dressing up like a peeping Tom turns you on—in which case, I’m all for it.

One of the best ways to find out whether something turns you on is to watch other people do it and see how you feel. The Internet has given women the same opportunities to “just look” that men have had for centuries. Now that we know what’s out there, we’re taking great strides in improving it.

Visit any adult webcam room, and you quickly realize that the exhibitionists in the group need the voyeurs in order to fulfill their fantasies and get the most out of their experience. Just lurking, without a cam of your own, is enough to feed the performers’ need for an audience. Your presence fuels their fire, and their uninhibited sexuality can turn you on—and might even inspire you to try something new or exotic with your partner.
Try chatting with the webcam performer on things not related directly to sex. Unlike DVD performers, these sex workers are not typically professional talent. They’re more approachable as regular people. Ask about their day, or the clothes they’ve chosen, or their love lives. You’ll be surprised to find that webcam folks are just like the neighbors.
And if it turns out they are the neighbors? Now you know you have something in common.

Online Voyeurism Can:

  • Help you learn new sexual skills
  • Put your own desires into context (you’re not alone!)
  • Turn you on
  • Bring you closer to your partner
  • Validate your fantasies
  • Reduce your anxiety
  • Confirm your disinterest

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

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How to Boost Your Libido

The hamster wheel of modern life diminishes our sex drives every bit as much as illness, chronic pain, or hormonal fluctuations. We don’t always have time to eat right, exercise, and get enough sleep—even though we know all of those things improve our sex lives. Many of us feel like we’re barely holding up under the combination of work, kids, and chores. Add one or more medications, alcohol use, depression, anxiety, body image issues—sometimes it’s a wonder we have sex drives at all.

It’s nice that we have some options for those times when our libidos shoot through the basement and we admit to ourselves we’d rather nap or read than even think about touching ourselves or a partner. However, our minds know that sex is important, even when our bodies seem to have forgotten.

I am not a doctor or a health practitioner, and I’m sensitive to side effects to boot, so please don’t interpret this lesson as medical advice by any stretch of the imagination. I’m also wary of the topical agents that increase blood flow to the genitals, as that seems like a recipe for intimate irritation, and patches annoy my skin; my body is more comfortable with prescription-based helpers like testosterone pills. But the following will give you an idea of what’s out there so you can feel better informed when you talk to your doc about what might work best for your particular body and situation.

Prescription

Testosterone can be delivered by a daily pill or skin patch. I used the pills and kept them next to my birth control pills so I wouldn’t forget to take them.

Over the Counter

There are several topical gels and creams that encourage blood flow to the genitals. The active ingredient is usually L-arginine or niacin, both of which cause a warming, sensitizing sensation that can be too much for some women. Be careful when trying these, and have a cool washcloth or a wipe handy in case you need to take it off in a hurry. Also, check the labels to make sure the brand you’re trying is condom-safe, if necessary.

Aromatherapy

The Scentuelle patch is a “nontransdermal” stick-on that releases subtle, sexy scent molecules through nanotechnology. You wear it and take frequent whiffs throughout the day and make your partner a very happy camper throughout the night. (Or vice versa. It’s not confined to the clock.)

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

How to Compose Erotic Email

While English teachers groan and bemoan the supposedly “lost art” of letter writing, email has helped millions of women discover their inner Anaïs Nins and Pat Califias. (Hey, they didn’t call it “hotmail” for nothing.) It’s true that typing and sending an email takes less time than writing by hand and sealing and stamping envelopes. But as anyone who has ever tried to express love, longing, and lust with mere words can tell you, the composition process is just as painful as ever.

It’s worth it though. And you don’t have to be a professional writer or award-winning author to tingle your lover’s toes. These tips will have you crafting heart-pounding, blood-roaring prose so hot, your English teacher will forget that you didn’t write it out by hand.

  • Present tense works especially well, as it puts your lover immediately into the story: I wrap my arms around you, drawing you closer to me with each breath. Your pulse pounds in your throat; I can feel your heartbeat against my breasts.
  • Weave in details from your shared history to add authenticity and show your lover that you cherish the memories. For example, mention music from an artist you’ve seen in concert, set the scene in a familiar location, or include a favorite toy
  • Fantasy is fair game. If you can imagine it, you can write it—even if your body can’t do it. Email erotica can involve exotic destinations, improbable positions, impossible feats of stamina and stimulations, winged angel lovers from space
  • Even if you’re just dashing off a quickie to let your lover know you’re hot for them, try to engage the senses. Involve smells, tastes, textures, sounds, what things look like, how you feel, how you respond. Even porn stories don’t just list a series of actions (he touched, she sucked, he penetrated, they came). What sets erotic email apart from erotic short stories is that it’s all about your lover(s) and you, which means it’s a perfect vehicle for showing your appreciation for their talents, showing things you’d like to do, and giving them a window into your mind if you’ve been in a rut of work–kids–chores–sleep–repeat for a while.

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How to Buy Lingerie for Your Body Type

It seems like lingerie is designed for women who are 5’ 6”, wear a 34C bra, size 5 panties, and size 7 shoes—unless you are that woman and still have fit problems, in which case, I guess it’s designed for our avatars rather than our bodies.

Shopping for lingerie online eliminates a lot of the hassles. It might seem counter intuitive, as with fit troubles you want to be able to try it on. But when you shop online, you can quickly narrow your options to just the negligee that is likely to fit. You can try it on in your own bedroom with your own lighting and your own mirror, and if you hate it, send it back. (Yes, this can cost money, but you won’t begrudge it after you find something that makes you feel like a million bucks.)
And most likely, if you put the effort into the search, you won’t hate it.

  • Don’t rely on size chart measurements. Email or call the site with your measurements and notes about your proportions, how other brands and sizes fit you, and what you’re looking for
  • Look international. You pay a bit more in shipping, but it’s worth it if you get the right fit.
  • Stockings, stretchy chemises, and collars fit just about everyone. It doesn’t matter if the stockings won’t stay up if you’re just wearing them on nights in.
  • More coverage can be as sexy as less, especially in sheer fabrics. Lingerie is less about skin as it is about mystery. Especially as we get older
  • Forget the size noted on the label and look only for fit. I have lingerie that ranges from size M to size 2X, and it all fits me exactly the same.
  • If your proportions are impossible to fit off the rack, investigate custom services. There is nothing wrong with your body—only with the narrow range of fits available.
  • Corsets look fantastic on all body shapes and must be made custom to look perfect.

Intimate Shopping

Figleaves.com

Cups from A to JJ. Bands from 28 to 54. Need I say more?

StormyLeather.com

Leather clothing (and toys, noth ready to wear and couture.

Trashy.com

Beverly Hills institution, known for custom garments and costumes.

HipsandCurves.com

Lingerie that celebrates fill, voluptuous curves.

Bravissimo.com

Great selection of bras in D cup and up, plus clothing designed to fit and flatter busty figured.

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips: