Tag Archives: LDR

How to Delete Your Ex

When modern relationships end they leave behind more artifacts then a Pharaoh’s tomb. Email, instant messages, text messages, voice mails, digital pictures and video – and that’s just the personal stuff. What about blog post? Social networks? That tandem skydiving video you posted on YouTube?

You can’t do much about artifacts that have already gone public, but you can reduce your chance of stumbling upon a memento unprepared:

  • Block every handle your ex gave you and remove them from your buddy list.
  • Set your IM client to accept messages from only people already on your buddy list.
  • Remove your ex from your contact list so you don’t make yourself crazy monitoring his or her online habits.
  • Destroy all emails from and to. Don’t forget to search for your exes address in the “cc” and “bcc” fields as well as the “to” field.
  • Check My Pictures, My Documents and your attachments folder for images to send to the trash.
  • Delete your ex’s email from your address book, including from list of multiple recipients. Don’t forget to check your mobile devices too.

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How to (Politely) Reject Offers for Cybersex

It’s bound to happen. If you’re visiting an adults-only community online—and especially if it’s a coed area and you sound female—chances are you will be propositioned for cybersex.

I’ve heard women complain about how often they get propositioned in virtual spaces, whether it’s a 3D world or a text chat room. But I compare it to wearing a pretty dress and high heels. If you’ve obviously done yourself up all nice, people are going to compliment you on it. Likewise, if you’re in a space that is designed to facilitate sex, you have to expect that people will ask you about sex.

You are under no obligation to say yes. You cannot be physically threatened or coerced into sexual activity, and you have a Block or Ignore command if the person disregards your polite rejection and begins to pester you.

Online, a polite rejection is more than just good manners. It keeps the vibe pleasant for everyone within text-shot, it keeps you from getting wound up in arguments instead of flirting and playing, and it shows other interested parties the type of approach that doesn’t work for you.
Suggestions:

  • “I appreciate your invitation, although I must decline it.”
  • “No thank you! But good luck finding what you seek.”
  • “Thank you. Maybe another time?” (Caution: Use this only if you are interested in talking with the person in the future.)
  • “No thanks. I am just here to chat tonight.”
  • “Thanks hon, I’m waiting for my date tho. Good luck!”

When you are consistently respectful and polite, you earn respect and develop relationships that offer far more beneficial than the momentary satisfaction of verbally smacking the rude or clueless.


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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

How to Compose Erotic Email

While English teachers groan and bemoan the supposedly “lost art” of letter writing, email has helped millions of women discover their inner Anaïs Nins and Pat Califias. (Hey, they didn’t call it “hotmail” for nothing.) It’s true that typing and sending an email takes less time than writing by hand and sealing and stamping envelopes. But as anyone who has ever tried to express love, longing, and lust with mere words can tell you, the composition process is just as painful as ever.

It’s worth it though. And you don’t have to be a professional writer or award-winning author to tingle your lover’s toes. These tips will have you crafting heart-pounding, blood-roaring prose so hot, your English teacher will forget that you didn’t write it out by hand.

  • Present tense works especially well, as it puts your lover immediately into the story: I wrap my arms around you, drawing you closer to me with each breath. Your pulse pounds in your throat; I can feel your heartbeat against my breasts.
  • Weave in details from your shared history to add authenticity and show your lover that you cherish the memories. For example, mention music from an artist you’ve seen in concert, set the scene in a familiar location, or include a favorite toy
  • Fantasy is fair game. If you can imagine it, you can write it—even if your body can’t do it. Email erotica can involve exotic destinations, improbable positions, impossible feats of stamina and stimulations, winged angel lovers from space
  • Even if you’re just dashing off a quickie to let your lover know you’re hot for them, try to engage the senses. Involve smells, tastes, textures, sounds, what things look like, how you feel, how you respond. Even porn stories don’t just list a series of actions (he touched, she sucked, he penetrated, they came). What sets erotic email apart from erotic short stories is that it’s all about your lover(s) and you, which means it’s a perfect vehicle for showing your appreciation for their talents, showing things you’d like to do, and giving them a window into your mind if you’ve been in a rut of work–kids–chores–sleep–repeat for a while.

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How to Be Yourself Online

We often think of the Internet as a place where people can try on different lives, and many of the lessons in this section show the benefits of experimentation with identity and aspects of your identity.

Still, I believe that no matter who you choose to be online, you are still yourself. Being on the Internet does not make you a different person. It can open your eyes to entirely new facets of yourself, though. I know more than one person whose online explorations were the final step in decisions like leaving a marriage, starting a new career, and even getting transgender surgery. Others might interpret this as “You went online, and now you’re someone else.” But in my experience, it’s been more like, “The self you never showed finally had a chance to shine, and you choose to integrate that part of you more fully into your life.”

When you are your full self online, you feel more secure that the relationships you make are genuine, based on who you are, not just on one aspect of yourself that you choose to show. You still need to go through the work of finding out whether the other person is being fully themselves if you plan to meet in person.

Here are ways to be yourself without inviting physical danger:

  • Be honest about your age, marital status, children, dreams, and aspirations.
  • If you’ve been sharing things with an online lover you have never told anyone else, make sure to also share things everyone already knows about you.
  • Take responsibility for revealing what you are feeling. If you have a twinge of sadness, laughter, jealousy, fear, hunger—say so. As intimate and deep as online connections can be—and as often as we seem to read each other’s mind and hearts with uncanny accuracy—that communication level breaks down under stress or fatigue, and it’s unfair to expect anyone to know your every nuance if you don’t share it. And share in a complete and honest manner, like “I just felt a twinge of envy just now, but I’m also really happy for you” or “I just welled up with tears, that was so beautiful, thank you.”
  • Seek common references in arts and entertainment, and explore their meanings together. Often, we find out what matters to us in the stories and lore that stay with us. If you’re a sci-fi buff and he doesn’t know the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek, take the opportunity to educate him. But if he’s not interested and you feel that the movie Star Wars was imprinted upon you as a child and shaped the way you feel about love, honor, and trust . . . maybe this is not a match made in Internet heaven.

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

    How to Feel Closer When You’re Apart

    Long-distance or traveling lovers have so many ways to stay in touch these days. This is a not an exhaustive list by any means, but it should be enough to get you started.

    • Skype: Skype is free and connects you through voice, text, and webcam.
    • Microblogging: Services like Twitter and Jaiku provide a fun way for couples and their friends to keep in touch. It’s a simple idea: Through the web, IM, or a cell phone, you send a short message to a central address.
    • Sharing The Music: SimplifyMedia lets you and your lover listen to each other’s music libraries over the Internet, even the copyright-protected files, as long as you both log in with the same user name. You can invite up to thirty friends to share libraries, so it works for polyamorous groups as well as couples.
    • Instant Messaging: Once you get into the groove, you might be able to IM alongside any other work or school project you’ve got going. It might seem awkward at first, but for many people (including me), it soon becomes so natural to talk with a lover while working that it becomes harder to work without IM going than with the connection open.
    • Building A Virtual Home: Second Life, Red Light Center, Jewel of Indra—pick an environment that appeals to you and build yourself a nest.

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    Sexier Sex

    by Regina Lynn