Tag Archives: partner play

How to Find Out Whether You Are Kinky

One thing we’ve learned from each other in the Information Age is that kinky is as kinky does. What we used to think was only us—in delight or in shame—we now find is not unique at all.

As “kinky” comes to mean any form of sex beyond the most vanilla*, it’s not so much a matter of finding out whether you are kinky as finding out how kinky you are. Kink does not mean you have a fetish or an obsession, only that a particular flavor of sex—involving props, theater, groups of people, public places, etc.—can pretty much be relied upon to get you excited.

You can expand your knowledge of your own kinks online in a few ways:

  • When stumbling across a kink in porn, you realize you’re turned on. Now, go find more porn featuring that quirk and discover whether it affects you consistently.
  • Research a particular kink from your own fantasies—from something you’ve experienced once or twice and liked, or from books or movies that introduced you to that whole new world.
  • Visit a webcam room that caters to a particular kink or fetish, like latex, balloons, leather, or BDSM.
  • Read or listen to erotica that you wouldn’t normally choose and see if it arouses you.
  • Many adult retailers offer classes in the basics and post their workshop calendars online. Because some kink can hurt you if you do it wrong—for example, there are safe and unsafe ways to bind somebody—it’s always better to get information from an expert first.

Find the rest of this lesson and thousands more sexier sex tips in:

Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

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How to Talk to Your Lover about Porn

Porn is now easier to find than bras that fit. This forces many women to face up to their feelings about their partner’s looking at adult content. Some women feel that their lovers will develop unrealistic expectations about female bodies or athletic ability after watching a lot of porn; others worry that the fantasy that pornography provides will replace the reality of everyday sex.

  • If your lover is a man, porn is probably going to be a part of his sex life. Porn and boys go together like girls and toys. Don’t let it scare you. Share it with him, at least to a certain extent. (Everyone needs a little private time sometimes too!)
  • You can learn about each other from the kinds of porn that turn you on—especially if you’re shy about revealing what you like, or if you feel tempted to share video that you think you should like but that doesn’t actually do much for you.
  • Keep your mind open. It’s not nice to yuk someone’s yum. Sex is a very personal thing—and you might be surprised at what turns you or your lover on. Remember that watching it isn’t the same as doing it. Even if you lover is into porn themes that turn your stomach, you aren’t necessarily expected to act it out, nor are you under any obligation to do so.

Find the rest of this lesson and thousands more sexier sex tips in:

How to Laugh Your Way Through Technical Difficulties and into Great Webcam Sex

“Is yours on?”
“There it is.”
“Oh! It’s working!”
“Shoot! Frozen again.”
“Let’s try a different cam program.”
“Can you see me now?”
“Crap. Wait. Is that… did I get it?”
“Ah ha! There you are!”

That might not sound like foreplay to your but even in these modern times, it’s an all too common way to begin a webcam session. By the time you fix the connection, the camera, the lighting, the angle, and the audio, any romantic mood is long past. And when it’s finally all working, you sit there, gazing dazedly at one another, wondering what to say and how to recapture the moment.

The best this you can do it laugh. Release those tech-induced tensions and take delight in your ability to work through a frustrating experience together.

Here’s the webcam setup that I have had the best luck with:

  • Broadband Internet connection
  • Ethernet cable (rather than wireless)
  • Skype video chat software (if the connection is unstable, stop the call and restart until you get a solid picture)
  • A better-than-bargain webcam ($50 and up)
  • A good headset with microphone (which will be better than the webcam’s built-in mic)

Find the rest of this lesson and thousands more sexier sex tips in:

Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

How to Meet Your Online Lover in Person


The basics safety guidelines of meeting an online lover in person for the first time are the same as those I’m sure you’d follow on any first date: Tell someone where you’ll be and when, arrange to check in by phone at a certain time, get your date’s full name and contact information, and avail yourself of some Google searches before agreeing to meet (and make sure to meet in a public place).
But there’s more. Meeting an online lover in person carries with it a heady mix of anticipation, desire, and expectation—balanced against your intellectual understanding that things might not work out as you hope.

Meeting Kit

  • Safer sex supplies: Condoms, dental dams, lube, arnica ( in case you get delightful bruises you don’t want to bring home)
  • Toys or other props that have special meaning for the two of you
  • The address and phone numbers of alternate lodgings in case you need to go to get to a safe place quick
  • Pajamas, toothbrush, clean underwear
  • Enough cash for cab fare if you need to leave in a hurry
  • A credit or debit card with enough room on it to get yourself out of there in the event of an emergency or a threat to your personal safety
  • Phone numbers of local friends, or friends of friends
  • Objects you’ve wanted to show each other: photo albums, figurines, clothing, fetish wear
  • Presents!
  • Find the rest of this lesson and thousands more sexier sex tips in:

Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

How to Reveal Yourself (and How to Know When It’s Time)

Many people reach a point in an online relationship when they realize they want to reveal themselves utterly to another person.

It’s hard to say when the “right time” is. As with most relationships, you’ll need to make your decisions based on what works for the two of you and what you feel is right.

Here are some general tips for when to exchange full names:

  • You start talking about meeting in person and are already researching airfares and hotels.
  • You are talking frankly about your job, your life, your kids, your friends, and your hobbies, and only then realize that you’ve been perfectly comfortable doing so all along.
  • You realize you feel closer to this person than almost anyone else in your life, and you would like to hear them whisper your name rather than your handle.

Once you exchange names, search for each other like crazy, digging up old high school photos or blog posts or book reviews you posted to Amazon ten years ago. This is where you reveal yourself as a person with a past—and perhaps as a person with some ’splainin’ to do. (It’s a good idea to Google yourself beforehand so you know what your lover is going to see.)

  • Find the rest of this lesson and thousands more sexier sex tips in:

Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

How to Use Technology to Give You More Time for Sex


No errand is more important than your lover (if it is, it’s time to rethink the relationship). No completed household task is going to make you as happy as passionate necking on the sofa. Build in more time for sex, and all kinds of good things blossom: glowing skin, relaxed attitudes, more patience with each other, managed blood pressure, physical fitness—the list goes on.

  • Get a robot vacuum and a robot mop to handle the daily mess, and search Craigslist for a housekeeper to come every other week to do the deep cleaning. Time saved for sex: 15-45 minutes a day.
  • Use a personal video recorder like TiVo to capture the television you want to watch and have sex earlier in the evening. Time saved for sex: an hour for dramas, or 30 minutes for sitcoms.
  • If you have a regular paycheck and sign up for automatic deposit, sign up for automatic bill pay as well. Get cash back when you shop so you never have to go to the back or sit at the table and pay a month’s worth of bills. Time saved for sex: an hour a month.
  • Find the rest of this lesson and thousands more sexier sex tips in:

Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

How to Build A Sex Tech Collection Your Friends Will Envy

When shopping for toys, it’s always good to talk with a staffer at a sex-positive boutique that has an extensive education program, as they can help guide you to products that fit your preferences.
If you’re already pretty sure that you’ve got everything you need and are now cruising for something you want, here are some of the items that have captured my interest in the past few years.

  • Best Oral Sex Simulator


Je Joue

  • Best Totally Silent Cybersex Chair


Monkey Rocker

  • Best Introductory Couples Toy


Vibrating Cock Ring

  • Best Accessory That Doubles As a Reading Pillow


Liberator Wedge

  • Best Dildos for the Living Room Display Shelf


Atraw Ceramics

  • Best Everyday Workhorse



  • Best Shower-Friendly Toy


Elemental Pleasures

  • Best Economy Model Vibe That Still Looks Lovely


Natural Contours

  • Best Toy That Doubles As a Hat Rack


The Fantasy Glide

  • Best Blowjob Accessory


Nexus Glide

  • Best Quickie


Hitachi Magic Wand w/G Spot attachment

  • Best Way to Surprise the Person Emptying the Dishwasher


NJoy Stainless Steel Butt Plug

  • Best Toy That Hides in Plain Sight


I Rub My Duckie

  • Find the rest of this lesson and thousands more sexier sex tips in:

Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn