Tag Archives: seduction

How Not to Fall in Love Online

If you’ve ever been in love, you know that there are as many ways to fall in love as there are people. You might also know that love can sneak up on you when you least expect it, and often when you’re actively Not Looking for it.

And still other times, we completely screw ourselfes up. For every true love that blooms online, you’ll find the dead petals of a dozen broken hearts. I believe that we need to go through those experiences to mature and appreciate a real love — yet at the same time, if I can save you some steps, I’ll gladly do so.

Here are some ways not to fall in love online.

  • Don’t have rigid expectations bordering on a checklist for everything you require in a partner.
  • Don’t get involved with multiple partners but demand that each one be exclusive to you.
  • Don’t demand that an online partner to be monogamous with you, e ven though you’re in an offline relationship.
  • Don’t rush the relationship. This is easy to do, given that online relationships tend to start from the inside and progress outward. You tell each other the most intimate secrets you hold long before you get to the part about your favorite color. The level of connection makes it feel more natural to leap to Decisions About The Future way too soon.
  • Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can separate online life from offline life. What happens online doesn’t stay online — even if you never meet with the person offline, your emotions are not confined to the Internet.

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

How to Evaluate a Chat Room in Ten Minutes or Less

It only takes a few minutes to assess a new chat community to see if its worth sticking around. These tips work whether the community is text-only, webcam, or 3D.

Leave If...

  • Half or more of the posts are URLs or read like spam subject lines
  • People are calling each other names
  • Nobody says anything for several minutes
  • You get a number of private messages but no one is talking in the public room
  • When you say “Hello, how is everyone today?” you get no responses

Stay if...

  • People greet you and welcome you
  • When you start talking, people talk back
  • At least one good conversation is taking place
  • People seem to know each other
  • Other women seem to be having a good time

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Consumer teledildonics update: HighJoy alive, Sinulator dead; plus, Virtual Sex Machine and RealTouch

I have not been able to get a response from Sinulator folks by email or by phone, and have received a few emails in the past few months from other people who have experienced the same thing. Sinulator was a growing thing when I wrote The Sexual Revolution 2.0 but you know how it is with those tech start-ups, particularly SEX tech start-ups.

HighJoy is still around, however. I corresponded with them this week (had to resolve a billing issue, which they took care of promptly and courteously).

highjoy

There’s also the Virtual Sex Machine if you don’t want the bother of finding an online partner first.

vsm

RealTouch appears to be going strong, but then, Sinulator hasn’t taken its website down either, so I’ll drop them an email and see what’s up. Like the Virtual Sex Machine, this one interacts with videos, not with humans on the other end of the internet.

Anyone else who has some teledildonics stuff going, please give us an update and a link in the comments. My focus has been on consumer-friendly stuff that doesn’t require a whole lot of tech-savvy to figure out, but I know there’s a lot more geekdildonics out there than n00bdildonics….

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

How to Turn Your Mp3 Player into a Personal Pleasure Device

Remember the joy of the mix tape, crafted especially for you by that special someone? Here’s a variation on that theme for adults only. These There are vibrators that pulse, rev, and throb to the beat of audio sources, ranging from a music playlist to your lover’s voice right there in bed.
For a group experience, try plugging one into your computer headphone jack and meeting up in a chat room or a virtual world where you can all groove to the same audio stream.
These toys are available at most reputable adult retailers, or you can Google (or Froogle) them to find the best deals.
Remember the joy of the mix tape, crafted especially for you by that special someone? Here’s a variation on that theme for adults only. There are vibrators that pulse, rev, and throb to the beat of audio sources, ranging from a music playlist to your lover’s voice right there in bed.

For a group experience, try plugging one into your computer headphone jack and meeting up in a chat room or a virtual world where you can all groove to the same audio stream.
These toys are available at most reputable adult retailers, or you can Google them to find the best deals.
iBuzz Two
Comes with two small vibrators to put inside a bunny-shaped  sleeve for her and a cock ring for him — —and all the necessary connecting cables, including a headphone splitter so you can both listen to the same music while you wear your toys.
OhMiBod
A slim, insertable vibrator in colors to complement the iPod and iPhone, although any device with a headphone jack will drive it. Comes in a pretty zippered pouch for tucking discreetly into your purse, and has ““penis sleeve”” accessories to create different textures and looks out apart from of the basic cylinder. Visit Club Vibe at http://www.ohmibod.com for a playlist exchange among OhMiBod users and special playlists created by professional DJs, all mixed specifically for their vibratory delights.
Talk2Me
This beautifully sculpted dual-purpose toy splits the incoming audio into two streams; the vibrating shaft responds to the bass, while the tickler responds to the treble. You can hook it up to a headphone jack or set its wireless receiver in front of any source of sound — —your lips, your stereo, your motorcycle — —and get your groove on.

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How to Be an Audio Erotica Star

I first encountered audio erotica in 2003, the first time I covered the annual adult entertainment industry tradeshow for my Sex Drive column. Amidst all the flash and glitz was a beautifully appointed booth that looked more suited to Sephora than to Smitty’s Smut Shack. The banner said SOUNDS EROTIC, and I stepped up with a grin and asked “What’s that?”

Half an hour later, I had an excellent education in aural sex from husband-and-wife team Catherine and Brian Oliver-Smith.

Married with three children and another one the way, the couple had reached a point where they were too tired to transition from working parents by day to passionate lovers by night. They experimented with porn videos, but Catherine found them more tedious than titillating. Reading erotic stories worked better, but it required the reader to look at the words instead of the other person, and you had to stop fondling to turn the page. Yet it was impractical to call upon a third party to read to them while they kissed and caressed each other.

Recording erotic stories to play back in bed solved the problem. Brian and Catherine found that by the end of about seven minutes, their touches and gazes reawakened their bodies even as the story realigned their minds. Realizing that their plight was a common one for other parents, they launched a publishing company to bring this relationship-saver to other couples. They hire professional voice talent and choose stories specifically adapted for listening to, rather than reading.

You don’t have to be a professional to star in your own erotic recordings, although if you plan to publish the results, you need to make sure you have legal rights to the stories and any sound effects you use in your composition.

  • Choose (or write!) a story that turns you on. If you intend to use someone else’s story for purposes outside your personal relationship, make sure you have permission from the author first. Look for good writing that flows well when you read it aloud—it will sound different to your ear than when you read it to yourself.
  • Read through the entire story first, and make note of pronunciations you need to practice (or look up), phrases that tie your tongue, and anything that makes you blush or giggle. You can also mark areas where you want to slow down or speed up, drop your voice to a whisper, or add other dramatic touches. You might think you have no problem reading the descriptions, but you’d be surprised at how the most seasoned professional voices can suddenly be embarrassed or experience stage fright.
  • Take your time. Do not rush it. Think of trying for a slow seduction. As with any public speaking, you will think you are speaking way too slowly, and that’s about when it is perfect.

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How to Be a Voyeur (without Being a Creep)

You won’t need a trench coat and binoculars for this lesson, unless dressing up like a peeping Tom turns you on—in which case, I’m all for it.

One of the best ways to find out whether something turns you on is to watch other people do it and see how you feel. The Internet has given women the same opportunities to “just look” that men have had for centuries. Now that we know what’s out there, we’re taking great strides in improving it.

Visit any adult webcam room, and you quickly realize that the exhibitionists in the group need the voyeurs in order to fulfill their fantasies and get the most out of their experience. Just lurking, without a cam of your own, is enough to feed the performers’ need for an audience. Your presence fuels their fire, and their uninhibited sexuality can turn you on—and might even inspire you to try something new or exotic with your partner.
Try chatting with the webcam performer on things not related directly to sex. Unlike DVD performers, these sex workers are not typically professional talent. They’re more approachable as regular people. Ask about their day, or the clothes they’ve chosen, or their love lives. You’ll be surprised to find that webcam folks are just like the neighbors.
And if it turns out they are the neighbors? Now you know you have something in common.

Online Voyeurism Can:

  • Help you learn new sexual skills
  • Put your own desires into context (you’re not alone!)
  • Turn you on
  • Bring you closer to your partner
  • Validate your fantasies
  • Reduce your anxiety
  • Confirm your disinterest

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

How to (Politely) Reject Offers for Cybersex

It’s bound to happen. If you’re visiting an adults-only community online—and especially if it’s a coed area and you sound female—chances are you will be propositioned for cybersex.

I’ve heard women complain about how often they get propositioned in virtual spaces, whether it’s a 3D world or a text chat room. But I compare it to wearing a pretty dress and high heels. If you’ve obviously done yourself up all nice, people are going to compliment you on it. Likewise, if you’re in a space that is designed to facilitate sex, you have to expect that people will ask you about sex.

You are under no obligation to say yes. You cannot be physically threatened or coerced into sexual activity, and you have a Block or Ignore command if the person disregards your polite rejection and begins to pester you.

Online, a polite rejection is more than just good manners. It keeps the vibe pleasant for everyone within text-shot, it keeps you from getting wound up in arguments instead of flirting and playing, and it shows other interested parties the type of approach that doesn’t work for you.
Suggestions:

  • “I appreciate your invitation, although I must decline it.”
  • “No thank you! But good luck finding what you seek.”
  • “Thank you. Maybe another time?” (Caution: Use this only if you are interested in talking with the person in the future.)
  • “No thanks. I am just here to chat tonight.”
  • “Thanks hon, I’m waiting for my date tho. Good luck!”

When you are consistently respectful and polite, you earn respect and develop relationships that offer far more beneficial than the momentary satisfaction of verbally smacking the rude or clueless.


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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

How to Boost Your Libido

The hamster wheel of modern life diminishes our sex drives every bit as much as illness, chronic pain, or hormonal fluctuations. We don’t always have time to eat right, exercise, and get enough sleep—even though we know all of those things improve our sex lives. Many of us feel like we’re barely holding up under the combination of work, kids, and chores. Add one or more medications, alcohol use, depression, anxiety, body image issues—sometimes it’s a wonder we have sex drives at all.

It’s nice that we have some options for those times when our libidos shoot through the basement and we admit to ourselves we’d rather nap or read than even think about touching ourselves or a partner. However, our minds know that sex is important, even when our bodies seem to have forgotten.

I am not a doctor or a health practitioner, and I’m sensitive to side effects to boot, so please don’t interpret this lesson as medical advice by any stretch of the imagination. I’m also wary of the topical agents that increase blood flow to the genitals, as that seems like a recipe for intimate irritation, and patches annoy my skin; my body is more comfortable with prescription-based helpers like testosterone pills. But the following will give you an idea of what’s out there so you can feel better informed when you talk to your doc about what might work best for your particular body and situation.

Prescription

Testosterone can be delivered by a daily pill or skin patch. I used the pills and kept them next to my birth control pills so I wouldn’t forget to take them.

Over the Counter

There are several topical gels and creams that encourage blood flow to the genitals. The active ingredient is usually L-arginine or niacin, both of which cause a warming, sensitizing sensation that can be too much for some women. Be careful when trying these, and have a cool washcloth or a wipe handy in case you need to take it off in a hurry. Also, check the labels to make sure the brand you’re trying is condom-safe, if necessary.

Aromatherapy

The Scentuelle patch is a “nontransdermal” stick-on that releases subtle, sexy scent molecules through nanotechnology. You wear it and take frequent whiffs throughout the day and make your partner a very happy camper throughout the night. (Or vice versa. It’s not confined to the clock.)

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

How to Buy Lingerie for Your Body Type

It seems like lingerie is designed for women who are 5’ 6”, wear a 34C bra, size 5 panties, and size 7 shoes—unless you are that woman and still have fit problems, in which case, I guess it’s designed for our avatars rather than our bodies.

Shopping for lingerie online eliminates a lot of the hassles. It might seem counter intuitive, as with fit troubles you want to be able to try it on. But when you shop online, you can quickly narrow your options to just the negligee that is likely to fit. You can try it on in your own bedroom with your own lighting and your own mirror, and if you hate it, send it back. (Yes, this can cost money, but you won’t begrudge it after you find something that makes you feel like a million bucks.)
And most likely, if you put the effort into the search, you won’t hate it.

  • Don’t rely on size chart measurements. Email or call the site with your measurements and notes about your proportions, how other brands and sizes fit you, and what you’re looking for
  • Look international. You pay a bit more in shipping, but it’s worth it if you get the right fit.
  • Stockings, stretchy chemises, and collars fit just about everyone. It doesn’t matter if the stockings won’t stay up if you’re just wearing them on nights in.
  • More coverage can be as sexy as less, especially in sheer fabrics. Lingerie is less about skin as it is about mystery. Especially as we get older
  • Forget the size noted on the label and look only for fit. I have lingerie that ranges from size M to size 2X, and it all fits me exactly the same.
  • If your proportions are impossible to fit off the rack, investigate custom services. There is nothing wrong with your body—only with the narrow range of fits available.
  • Corsets look fantastic on all body shapes and must be made custom to look perfect.

Intimate Shopping

Figleaves.com

Cups from A to JJ. Bands from 28 to 54. Need I say more?

StormyLeather.com

Leather clothing (and toys, noth ready to wear and couture.

Trashy.com

Beverly Hills institution, known for custom garments and costumes.

HipsandCurves.com

Lingerie that celebrates fill, voluptuous curves.

Bravissimo.com

Great selection of bras in D cup and up, plus clothing designed to fit and flatter busty figured.

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

How To Have Cybersex

The old joke about typing one-handed doesn’t cover the half of it. Entire books have been written on this subject, and although many of the other lessons in this book touch on important aspects of cybersex, in this lesson, the focus is on the mechanics of it all.

  • Play with language. I don’t care if you’re on webcam and have 3D avatars to boot—language is the foundation of cybersex, and language is the bridge between your minds, hearts, and bodies. Use words that shock and awaken; use imagery drawn from the erotic, the pornographic, and the innocuous. Weaving literary metaphor with raunchy sex talk keeps you both engaged.
  • Don’t disappear halfway through. You wouldn’t in real life, and you shouldn’t in cybersex. If you think you will be interrupted, stick with flirting and save the cybersex for another day.
  • Select a handle you can stand to read and hear on a regular basis in a sexual context. “HotMama” will serve you better than “JakesMom,” for example.
  • Don’t be self-conscious or worried about your spelling or writing. As long as you say what you’re imagining, you’ll do fine.
  • Learn the power of “Mmmm”—a cybersex essential. Use it when you can’t think of anything to say but it’s your turn to type, when your lover says something so arousing you need to stop typing for a moment but need to show you’re still there, and when the other is in the middle of writing an elaborate setup and needs a response but not help from you.

Find the rest of this lesson and thousands more sexier sex tips in:

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips: