Tag Archives: self image

How to Delete Your Ex

When modern relationships end they leave behind more artifacts then a Pharaoh’s tomb. Email, instant messages, text messages, voice mails, digital pictures and video – and that’s just the personal stuff. What about blog post? Social networks? That tandem skydiving video you posted on YouTube?

You can’t do much about artifacts that have already gone public, but you can reduce your chance of stumbling upon a memento unprepared:

  • Block every handle your ex gave you and remove them from your buddy list.
  • Set your IM client to accept messages from only people already on your buddy list.
  • Remove your ex from your contact list so you don’t make yourself crazy monitoring his or her online habits.
  • Destroy all emails from and to. Don’t forget to search for your exes address in the “cc” and “bcc” fields as well as the “to” field.
  • Check My Pictures, My Documents and your attachments folder for images to send to the trash.
  • Delete your ex’s email from your address book, including from list of multiple recipients. Don’t forget to check your mobile devices too.

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How to Boost Your Libido

The hamster wheel of modern life diminishes our sex drives every bit as much as illness, chronic pain, or hormonal fluctuations. We don’t always have time to eat right, exercise, and get enough sleep—even though we know all of those things improve our sex lives. Many of us feel like we’re barely holding up under the combination of work, kids, and chores. Add one or more medications, alcohol use, depression, anxiety, body image issues—sometimes it’s a wonder we have sex drives at all.

It’s nice that we have some options for those times when our libidos shoot through the basement and we admit to ourselves we’d rather nap or read than even think about touching ourselves or a partner. However, our minds know that sex is important, even when our bodies seem to have forgotten.

I am not a doctor or a health practitioner, and I’m sensitive to side effects to boot, so please don’t interpret this lesson as medical advice by any stretch of the imagination. I’m also wary of the topical agents that increase blood flow to the genitals, as that seems like a recipe for intimate irritation, and patches annoy my skin; my body is more comfortable with prescription-based helpers like testosterone pills. But the following will give you an idea of what’s out there so you can feel better informed when you talk to your doc about what might work best for your particular body and situation.


Testosterone can be delivered by a daily pill or skin patch. I used the pills and kept them next to my birth control pills so I wouldn’t forget to take them.

Over the Counter

There are several topical gels and creams that encourage blood flow to the genitals. The active ingredient is usually L-arginine or niacin, both of which cause a warming, sensitizing sensation that can be too much for some women. Be careful when trying these, and have a cool washcloth or a wipe handy in case you need to take it off in a hurry. Also, check the labels to make sure the brand you’re trying is condom-safe, if necessary.


The Scentuelle patch is a “nontransdermal” stick-on that releases subtle, sexy scent molecules through nanotechnology. You wear it and take frequent whiffs throughout the day and make your partner a very happy camper throughout the night. (Or vice versa. It’s not confined to the clock.)

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

How to Buy Lingerie for Your Body Type

It seems like lingerie is designed for women who are 5’ 6”, wear a 34C bra, size 5 panties, and size 7 shoes—unless you are that woman and still have fit problems, in which case, I guess it’s designed for our avatars rather than our bodies.

Shopping for lingerie online eliminates a lot of the hassles. It might seem counter intuitive, as with fit troubles you want to be able to try it on. But when you shop online, you can quickly narrow your options to just the negligee that is likely to fit. You can try it on in your own bedroom with your own lighting and your own mirror, and if you hate it, send it back. (Yes, this can cost money, but you won’t begrudge it after you find something that makes you feel like a million bucks.)
And most likely, if you put the effort into the search, you won’t hate it.

  • Don’t rely on size chart measurements. Email or call the site with your measurements and notes about your proportions, how other brands and sizes fit you, and what you’re looking for
  • Look international. You pay a bit more in shipping, but it’s worth it if you get the right fit.
  • Stockings, stretchy chemises, and collars fit just about everyone. It doesn’t matter if the stockings won’t stay up if you’re just wearing them on nights in.
  • More coverage can be as sexy as less, especially in sheer fabrics. Lingerie is less about skin as it is about mystery. Especially as we get older
  • Forget the size noted on the label and look only for fit. I have lingerie that ranges from size M to size 2X, and it all fits me exactly the same.
  • If your proportions are impossible to fit off the rack, investigate custom services. There is nothing wrong with your body—only with the narrow range of fits available.
  • Corsets look fantastic on all body shapes and must be made custom to look perfect.

Intimate Shopping


Cups from A to JJ. Bands from 28 to 54. Need I say more?


Leather clothing (and toys, noth ready to wear and couture.


Beverly Hills institution, known for custom garments and costumes.


Lingerie that celebrates fill, voluptuous curves.


Great selection of bras in D cup and up, plus clothing designed to fit and flatter busty figured.

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

How to Be Yourself Online

We often think of the Internet as a place where people can try on different lives, and many of the lessons in this section show the benefits of experimentation with identity and aspects of your identity.

Still, I believe that no matter who you choose to be online, you are still yourself. Being on the Internet does not make you a different person. It can open your eyes to entirely new facets of yourself, though. I know more than one person whose online explorations were the final step in decisions like leaving a marriage, starting a new career, and even getting transgender surgery. Others might interpret this as “You went online, and now you’re someone else.” But in my experience, it’s been more like, “The self you never showed finally had a chance to shine, and you choose to integrate that part of you more fully into your life.”

When you are your full self online, you feel more secure that the relationships you make are genuine, based on who you are, not just on one aspect of yourself that you choose to show. You still need to go through the work of finding out whether the other person is being fully themselves if you plan to meet in person.

Here are ways to be yourself without inviting physical danger:

  • Be honest about your age, marital status, children, dreams, and aspirations.
  • If you’ve been sharing things with an online lover you have never told anyone else, make sure to also share things everyone already knows about you.
  • Take responsibility for revealing what you are feeling. If you have a twinge of sadness, laughter, jealousy, fear, hunger—say so. As intimate and deep as online connections can be—and as often as we seem to read each other’s mind and hearts with uncanny accuracy—that communication level breaks down under stress or fatigue, and it’s unfair to expect anyone to know your every nuance if you don’t share it. And share in a complete and honest manner, like “I just felt a twinge of envy just now, but I’m also really happy for you” or “I just welled up with tears, that was so beautiful, thank you.”
  • Seek common references in arts and entertainment, and explore their meanings together. Often, we find out what matters to us in the stories and lore that stay with us. If you’re a sci-fi buff and he doesn’t know the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek, take the opportunity to educate him. But if he’s not interested and you feel that the movie Star Wars was imprinted upon you as a child and shaped the way you feel about love, honor, and trust . . . maybe this is not a match made in Internet heaven.

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

    How to Get Your Lovers to Send You Hot Text Messages, Even If They Don’t Want to at First

    It’s almost incomprehensible, but did you know that many people aren’t interested in hot texting?

    Shocking, I know.

    But if you are at all word oriented, your lover needs to make an effort to connect with you in this way. No ifs, ands, or buts. It’s amazing, what those 160 characters can do. They can say “I’m thinking of you” or “I love you” or “I want to bury myself between your thighs and not come up until you’ve climaxed six times.” Sometimes all that in a single message.

    These are some of the ways I’ve had success in teaching lovers to text me:

    • Ask them to text you sometimes, and explain how much you appreciate their effort and thoughtfulness. Remind them it doesn’t have to be Nobel-winning poetry, just an honest note.
    • Send them hot texts telling them what you want to do with them next time you see them, and then following through, so they make the connection between hot text—foreplay—lovemaking.
    • Point out that song lyrics that have meaning for you make wonderful text messages.
    • Show them a way they can text your phone from a web interface. Google and Yahoo both make applications that let you send a message to almost any phone, as do the phone companies and texting websites.Remind them that pictures are worth a thousand words, so even if a picture message costs more to send, it’s also worth 6.25 text messages.
    • Short words work really well in text. Think of all the wonderful four-letter nouns and verbs the two of you can share. Unlike email, there’s no big blank page daring you to fill it up.

    Find the rest of this lesson and thousands more sexier sex tips in:

    Sexier Sex

    by Regina Lynn

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    How to Take Sexy Self-Portraits

    Cameras are everywhere. Sooner or later, you’re going to be caught in a compromising position. Picking your nose as you run a red light. Adjusting your stockings as Google’s street-view team cruises by. Handing your phone around the table in a mutual-gadget-admiration moment with a dozen coworkers, only to realize you haven’t deleted Those Pictures from the album. (That one actually happened to me. Sigh.)

    A cell phone camera is all you need to get started, although a small digital camera gives you higher quality images. These first shots aren’t for sharing, but rather for learning what the digital eye does to you, and for you, from various distances and angles.

    • Look to classic pin-up poses for inspiration. These flatter every body and have an element of tease and sauce that never goes out of style.
    • If you discover a touch of exhibitionism through your experiments, invest in a mobile device with a high-resolution camera and a self-timer.
    • Hold the camera above your face and slightly to the side to emphasize your eyes and cheekbones.
    • Learn to smile without clenching your facial muscles. It feels horribly fake at first, but works well in pictures. Better yet, cultivate a knowing, subtle quirk of the lip that implies you are just seconds from ripping your clothes off and jumping on your lover.
    • Flushed cheeks, wide eyes and parted lips are signs of sexual arousal in both sexes. You can fake it by pinching your skin, biting your lips and opening your eyes slightly wider than usual. Too wide and you’ll just look surprised or alien, so practice in a mirror until you get the right feel of it.

    Find the rest of this lesson and thousands more sexier sex tips in:

    Sexier Sex

    by Regina Lynn

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    How to Reveal Yourself (and How to Know When It’s Time)

    Many people reach a point in an online relationship when they realize they want to reveal themselves utterly to another person.

    It’s hard to say when the “right time” is. As with most relationships, you’ll need to make your decisions based on what works for the two of you and what you feel is right.

    Here are some general tips for when to exchange full names:

    • You start talking about meeting in person and are already researching airfares and hotels.
    • You are talking frankly about your job, your life, your kids, your friends, and your hobbies, and only then realize that you’ve been perfectly comfortable doing so all along.
    • You realize you feel closer to this person than almost anyone else in your life, and you would like to hear them whisper your name rather than your handle.

    Once you exchange names, search for each other like crazy, digging up old high school photos or blog posts or book reviews you posted to Amazon ten years ago. This is where you reveal yourself as a person with a past—and perhaps as a person with some ’splainin’ to do. (It’s a good idea to Google yourself beforehand so you know what your lover is going to see.)

    • Find the rest of this lesson and thousands more sexier sex tips in:

    Sexier Sex

    by Regina Lynn