Tag Archives: webcam

How to Be a Voyeur (without Being a Creep)

You won’t need a trench coat and binoculars for this lesson, unless dressing up like a peeping Tom turns you on—in which case, I’m all for it.

One of the best ways to find out whether something turns you on is to watch other people do it and see how you feel. The Internet has given women the same opportunities to “just look” that men have had for centuries. Now that we know what’s out there, we’re taking great strides in improving it.

Visit any adult webcam room, and you quickly realize that the exhibitionists in the group need the voyeurs in order to fulfill their fantasies and get the most out of their experience. Just lurking, without a cam of your own, is enough to feed the performers’ need for an audience. Your presence fuels their fire, and their uninhibited sexuality can turn you on—and might even inspire you to try something new or exotic with your partner.
Try chatting with the webcam performer on things not related directly to sex. Unlike DVD performers, these sex workers are not typically professional talent. They’re more approachable as regular people. Ask about their day, or the clothes they’ve chosen, or their love lives. You’ll be surprised to find that webcam folks are just like the neighbors.
And if it turns out they are the neighbors? Now you know you have something in common.

Online Voyeurism Can:

  • Help you learn new sexual skills
  • Put your own desires into context (you’re not alone!)
  • Turn you on
  • Bring you closer to your partner
  • Validate your fantasies
  • Reduce your anxiety
  • Confirm your disinterest

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

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How to Compose Erotic Email

While English teachers groan and bemoan the supposedly “lost art” of letter writing, email has helped millions of women discover their inner Anaïs Nins and Pat Califias. (Hey, they didn’t call it “hotmail” for nothing.) It’s true that typing and sending an email takes less time than writing by hand and sealing and stamping envelopes. But as anyone who has ever tried to express love, longing, and lust with mere words can tell you, the composition process is just as painful as ever.

It’s worth it though. And you don’t have to be a professional writer or award-winning author to tingle your lover’s toes. These tips will have you crafting heart-pounding, blood-roaring prose so hot, your English teacher will forget that you didn’t write it out by hand.

  • Present tense works especially well, as it puts your lover immediately into the story: I wrap my arms around you, drawing you closer to me with each breath. Your pulse pounds in your throat; I can feel your heartbeat against my breasts.
  • Weave in details from your shared history to add authenticity and show your lover that you cherish the memories. For example, mention music from an artist you’ve seen in concert, set the scene in a familiar location, or include a favorite toy
  • Fantasy is fair game. If you can imagine it, you can write it—even if your body can’t do it. Email erotica can involve exotic destinations, improbable positions, impossible feats of stamina and stimulations, winged angel lovers from space
  • Even if you’re just dashing off a quickie to let your lover know you’re hot for them, try to engage the senses. Involve smells, tastes, textures, sounds, what things look like, how you feel, how you respond. Even porn stories don’t just list a series of actions (he touched, she sucked, he penetrated, they came). What sets erotic email apart from erotic short stories is that it’s all about your lover(s) and you, which means it’s a perfect vehicle for showing your appreciation for their talents, showing things you’d like to do, and giving them a window into your mind if you’ve been in a rut of work–kids–chores–sleep–repeat for a while.

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How to Pick the Best Type of Lover

This one’s easy. Find a geek.

Here are 5 reasons geeks make the best lovers.

  • Geeks build it so you will come

Second Life’s SexGen animation system, Red Light Center’s beautiful sex animations, and open-source teledildonics did not simply coalesce out of the mists during a marketing department meeting. These types of projects require strong technical know-how along with an open-minded approach to sexual variation. After all, you can’t build sex-tech that serves only your own preferences if you expect others to use it. Especially if you want them to buy it.  That geeks have the passion to commit their technical skills to expanding sexual options for everyone is evidence enough of their enthusiasm and dedication as lovers.

  • Geeks interact.

Where a technophobe is able to talk to you in person, a geek is also happy to be with you by texting your phone, flirting with you in a chat room, Skyping you, Twittering just in case you’re on your vibrating couch, sending funny cell phone snapshots to your email, playing online games, commenting on your blog, digging up articles that interest you, seducing you by instant message.

  • Geeks don’t shock easily.

Geeks have seen all the porn you can imagine and then some, priming them to be open to your sexual peccadillos. Geeks are not only less likely to be shocked by your exotic requests—they might not even realize that other people think your turn-ons are exotic. In fact, your geek lover might be relieved that your wildest fantasy involves only two other people, five utensils, and a trapeze.

  • Geeks know kinky people.

Geeks haven’t just seen a variety of positions, kinks, and fetishes in blue movies. Geeks know (or are) people who enjoy those things, so they don’t dismiss entire categories of sexual interests as the sole province of a bunch of weirdos in San Francisco.
It’s hard to sustain prejudice and bias against an abstract group when you develop relationships with individuals and discover they’re just like you. It doesn’t matter if they dress up like ponies, or refuse to conform to a societal idea of gender norms, or eat pancakes for dinner. Geek lovers know better than to try to impose their sexual preferences or standards on others—including your friends—and are more likely to love and let love.

  • Geeks understand multidimensional relationships.

Geeks connect with their online buddies in several guises, often getting to know the person behind the avatar as friendships deepen and move from adult communities to personal IM.
A geek can flow seamlessly between conversation about a friend’s partner and kids in one window and an elaborate group sex scene in another, without feeling any discontinuity between the personas—even if the friend is a forty-three-year-old father of two in IM but a twenty-two-year-old dominatrix in the group.
With all that going on, a geek has no problem accepting that sometimes you want mocha ripple cherry fudge chunk swirl with almonds and a waffle, and sometimes you want vanilla lite.

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

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How To Have Cybersex

The old joke about typing one-handed doesn’t cover the half of it. Entire books have been written on this subject, and although many of the other lessons in this book touch on important aspects of cybersex, in this lesson, the focus is on the mechanics of it all.

  • Play with language. I don’t care if you’re on webcam and have 3D avatars to boot—language is the foundation of cybersex, and language is the bridge between your minds, hearts, and bodies. Use words that shock and awaken; use imagery drawn from the erotic, the pornographic, and the innocuous. Weaving literary metaphor with raunchy sex talk keeps you both engaged.
  • Don’t disappear halfway through. You wouldn’t in real life, and you shouldn’t in cybersex. If you think you will be interrupted, stick with flirting and save the cybersex for another day.
  • Select a handle you can stand to read and hear on a regular basis in a sexual context. “HotMama” will serve you better than “JakesMom,” for example.
  • Don’t be self-conscious or worried about your spelling or writing. As long as you say what you’re imagining, you’ll do fine.
  • Learn the power of “Mmmm”—a cybersex essential. Use it when you can’t think of anything to say but it’s your turn to type, when your lover says something so arousing you need to stop typing for a moment but need to show you’re still there, and when the other is in the middle of writing an elaborate setup and needs a response but not help from you.

Find the rest of this lesson and thousands more sexier sex tips in:

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

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How to Find Out Whether You Are Kinky

One thing we’ve learned from each other in the Information Age is that kinky is as kinky does. What we used to think was only us—in delight or in shame—we now find is not unique at all.

As “kinky” comes to mean any form of sex beyond the most vanilla*, it’s not so much a matter of finding out whether you are kinky as finding out how kinky you are. Kink does not mean you have a fetish or an obsession, only that a particular flavor of sex—involving props, theater, groups of people, public places, etc.—can pretty much be relied upon to get you excited.

You can expand your knowledge of your own kinks online in a few ways:

  • When stumbling across a kink in porn, you realize you’re turned on. Now, go find more porn featuring that quirk and discover whether it affects you consistently.
  • Research a particular kink from your own fantasies—from something you’ve experienced once or twice and liked, or from books or movies that introduced you to that whole new world.
  • Visit a webcam room that caters to a particular kink or fetish, like latex, balloons, leather, or BDSM.
  • Read or listen to erotica that you wouldn’t normally choose and see if it arouses you.
  • Many adult retailers offer classes in the basics and post their workshop calendars online. Because some kink can hurt you if you do it wrong—for example, there are safe and unsafe ways to bind somebody—it’s always better to get information from an expert first.

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

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How to Laugh Your Way Through Technical Difficulties and into Great Webcam Sex

“Is yours on?”
“There it is.”
“Oh! It’s working!”
“Shoot! Frozen again.”
“Let’s try a different cam program.”
“Can you see me now?”
“Crap. Wait. Is that… did I get it?”
“Ah ha! There you are!”

That might not sound like foreplay to your but even in these modern times, it’s an all too common way to begin a webcam session. By the time you fix the connection, the camera, the lighting, the angle, and the audio, any romantic mood is long past. And when it’s finally all working, you sit there, gazing dazedly at one another, wondering what to say and how to recapture the moment.

The best this you can do it laugh. Release those tech-induced tensions and take delight in your ability to work through a frustrating experience together.

Here’s the webcam setup that I have had the best luck with:

  • Broadband Internet connection
  • Ethernet cable (rather than wireless)
  • Skype video chat software (if the connection is unstable, stop the call and restart until you get a solid picture)
  • A better-than-bargain webcam ($50 and up)
  • A good headset with microphone (which will be better than the webcam’s built-in mic)

Find the rest of this lesson and thousands more sexier sex tips in:

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn

Recent Tips:

How to Feel Closer When You’re Apart

Long-distance or traveling lovers have so many ways to stay in touch these days. This is a not an exhaustive list by any means, but it should be enough to get you started.

  • Skype: Skype is free and connects you through voice, text, and webcam.
  • Microblogging: Services like Twitter and Jaiku provide a fun way for couples and their friends to keep in touch. It’s a simple idea: Through the web, IM, or a cell phone, you send a short message to a central address.
  • Sharing The Music: SimplifyMedia lets you and your lover listen to each other’s music libraries over the Internet, even the copyright-protected files, as long as you both log in with the same user name. You can invite up to thirty friends to share libraries, so it works for polyamorous groups as well as couples.
  • Instant Messaging: Once you get into the groove, you might be able to IM alongside any other work or school project you’ve got going. It might seem awkward at first, but for many people (including me), it soon becomes so natural to talk with a lover while working that it becomes harder to work without IM going than with the connection open.
  • Building A Virtual Home: Second Life, Red Light Center, Jewel of Indra—pick an environment that appeals to you and build yourself a nest.

  • Find the rest of this lesson and thousands more sexier sex tips in:

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Sexier Sex

by Regina Lynn